Welcome to your Trolling Level 2 Skills for Professional Development course. We hope you have found your way around our YouTube campus, and find our facilities comfy and welcoming. We are all about helping you to learn the skills you need, in a relaxed and friendly environment.
As you know, our Level 1 course was a feeder course, an introduction to the topic, and you should already be familiar with the basic skills every troll needs, in order to boost his channel subs, and ego, all at the same time, by use of simple drama and disinfo techniques, to disrupt the unsuspecting non-troll users of YouTube’s platform. You learned also the importance of building friendships, based around trying out these trolling techniques on other users, and why it is important to stay in a herd (incidentally, you have probably already enjoyed our lecture hall environments, where you can use our supplementary study rooms, tucked away quietly in the back, which you can spend time with your chosen groups, to get together to plan and implement your skills).
This semester starts with a demonstration from one of our lecturers providing an example of how a creative approach to truth allows the troll to tinker with it, until it takes on an entirely new shape, an important tactic, and a bolder, Level 2 skill which you need to learn on your way up the troll ladder to success, at least in your own mind. Never mind what the non-trolls think of you, when you have acquired the techniques of lying through your teeth while keeping a straight face, you will, by the time you’ve completed our Level 2 course, be so unable to distinguish which way is up anymore, from all the LARPage you’ve been implementing, that you won’t even notice those annoying normal people laughing their butts off at your attempts to fool people, which simultaneously turning up their noses at you, in disdain. This will cheese you off (you will learn cussin’ skills later on in Level 2, and I’m sure you look forward to putting that tool in your toolbox!!).
Soon you will try to wipe the smiles off the faces of good people, like this, by using every trick in the troll kit to steal their peace of mind, and happiness, and we know how you look forward to that ! We studied these sickening creatures we know as non-troll YouTube users, in our Level 1 course, but for those of you who need a refresher to stay focused, here’s how those monsters of joy we’ll never really understand can be recognised, by their unwillingness to let the troll ply his trade (to heck with PC his/her/its inclusive, ni*ga J*wish f*gg*ty garbage people try to insist on, cos we iz takin’ their last safe spaces away) , unmolested by the truth intruding on the lies.
With no further ado, then, may I introduce that second-rate troll with an professional entry level skill demo you will enjoy. Mr. Manual Chavez, known as Defango down the Tubes, as he tries to pin the blame on Donna Emerald, a non-troll normal channel owner, for the police calling to his house, on a harassment charge, because she turned up in his chat, and pointed out some fibs. He uses the level one skill you are familiar with already; tell lies then quickly blame the someone, anyone, for the mess you’ve gotten into, when the lies aren’t terribly believable (scapegoating was briefly covered at Level 1, and we shall be revisiting it next semester, in more depth), and you run into some bother with the cops (reverse trolling module, covered in semester 1, Level 1).
The new Level 2 skill is to add lies to those you’ve already told, and try to get them spread about as widely by your troll friends and allies, as you can. Loyal subscribers, who have been with you for a while are ideal for this purpose, as they become slave-like and afraid to leave the herd, lest they become the victims of your trolling themselves. They can also provide a source of income, based on whatever narrative you sell them (hey, maybe even give you a place to stay, if you can’t get a job?) , and Level 2 will teach you to turn your skills into cash, as your subscriptions grow. You will need to do the reverse pointy-finger tricks you were introduced to first, in our Level 1 course, and document the LARP for subscribers, as your marketing hook…..
…but with this groundwork in place, you will be able to generate that oh so important sympathy, once your subs engage with the narrative you present, and Presto! the cash appears magically, without any real work on your part, except a bit of hand-waving, and maybe a few tears too, if you have a lemon about. This requires a sympathy build-up, that can be tricky to get right, as some subscribers can get a bit turned off by seeing a grown man cry. Or threaten people, for that matter (we’ll be covering how to carefully edit your material, so this beginner’s mistake doesn’t accidentally occur, while you are in character).
Your friends in chat and comments can cash in on their channels too, by joining in the narrative, and keep the drama and clicks coming. Some channels specialize entirely in narratives, to boost their fragile troll egos, by keeping the clicks coming, and money doesn’t always come through the front door, like the bigger channels have, where you can get subs to throw their cash at you, like elderly Tom Jones’ fans in a knicker frenzy. Of course, having subs who will believe any crazy story you tell, helps a lot.
As you know, from your previous studies, trolls can harvest material from other channel’s narratives, and some of those apple-faced, lovely granny elderlemon trolls can tell the best stories around, and joining forces with other channels is always something to consider, no matter how big your ego is, in the effort to develop those all important professional skills further, build your business up more, or just help the circle of friends to use the drama as a troll tool to help get more subs and cash clanking into the Patreon buckets, as your skills improve. All this comes with the skills already learned in Level 1, and don’t fret, because it’s not true what they say about your nose growing the more you do it, or the better you get at it. Do it right, and the only inflation that will occur will be to your own ego, and the number of both troll-subs, who enjoy participating actively or in supportive roles in the drama, and stunned gawkers as well, who can’t believe that anyone can believe it (how to test these sort of subs’ loyalty, for potential use as flying monkeys will be covered in module 4).
So, now you can see the learning experience that is your stepping stone to a viable career on the Tubes, and endless fun to be had with your friends, in chat and comments. Staying with the herd can have benefits, but cast your net wide, when it comes to creativity, as the world’s your burrito, just there for the taking.
Blast those non-fun-loving normies with both guns blazing, and soon you’ll leave them in the dust, and maybe even have the show you want, the only thing on the Tubes tonight. Go gettem’. Chaaaaarrrge!
Supplementary material, with extra reverse troll examples for developing pro skills, on Twitter: https://twitter.com/donnaemerald8/with_replies
Magic trolling moments:: With Thomas. https://twitter.com/i/moments/1130840885892177921
With Defango and Diane: https://twitter.com/i/moments/1125356987800330240
With OG Wan Kanobi and Fkn Freddy: https://twitter.com/i/moments/1120807764350124032
Defango Email to Denise Matteau (Truth Convoy) from June, 2018, in which he makes a donation to her channel. Ms. Matteau sent Emails to Defango regularly, with delicious, troll-truffle succulent morsels, around that time, hoping to tempt his appetite with her imaginative inventiveness, and keep him coming back for more.
Updates: The Ministry For Truth have deemed Defango’s old videos worthy of expunging from the records, since dissidents like Donna were spoiling the whole show, by exposing the inner torture sanctum, Room 101, to the light of day.
Defango like a good citizen, stays in his zone, while his lol-gran, Denise, continues to insist that Dissident Donna made the call to Big Brother, to get the police to Defango’s, because she didn’t get the update memo, naming Tanya the Terrible of Cornwall as the clever culprit. She’s also claiming she’s not hanging out with the old gang any more, even though she’s written a letter to help one of them out, to de judge. That secret pigeon post was found on a Twitter tree, and now the other gang are not pleased. What a shootout, down the Tubes! Duck!
* [Interesting Update: See Mindy‘s Tweet of 11th May, 2021, where she claims SHE reported Defango to police, despite the fact that the number’s registered to Tanya, on the police report! Hmmm. Guess who told me Tanya had “admitted” to the ‘phone call? Yep. Thomas Schoenberger. The plot thickens, again, what?}
Thomas’s latest offering, where he finally gets the gumption to show his face (he’s got a bit of a shyness issue, and likes his privacy, but enjoys invading others’ rights to privacy regularly). He addresses some of his critics, face out, in mumbo Italiano, and taunts them in a level 1 troll demo, and rounds it off with a brief reminder of his brilliance as a composer, and puzzler.
Bonus Material NEW: I now have a line of YouTube merch, featuring all your favourite trolls. Here’s a prototype, and the link to my shop, should you fancy a T-shirt of your favourite YouTuber. No pressure ‘tho; Whaddya tink I am, a goddam troll or sometin’?
Psst: There’s a new book out, too. “The Q Affaire”. Available in the one stop merch shop, juzz fer you.