Thar She Blows. Coping With Explosive Tempers

I’m Not a Psychologist, But….

OK. I’ll level with you right from the start. I don’t have all the answers, whether the person you want to deal with is someone else, or whether you came here hoping I had all the 100% guaranteed-to-work-every-time strategies for how to get your own anger under control, I don’t know it all. Sorry. Hope you are not too angry about that. I do have a few tips, however, that are very useful indeed when employed. Practiced, I should say, because like a lot of stuff in life, this, too, takes practice to get right. This is a light-hearted stab (oops, maybe a bad choice of words for a piece on anger) at the topic, and not meant to downplay the seriousness of the subject; anger can be very dangerous, very destructive, and is very worth talking about. Anger is a natural emotion which is not in itself evil or destructive, but I believe it requires management on an individual level, through use of self-discipline and self-knowledge. We can’t always do something about other angry people, but we can become more skilled at managing both our own angry impulses, and our reactions to other people’s anger. Willpower alone won’t keep our tempers in check for long, but development of emotional maturity by utilizing thinking skills effectively can.

Angry girl and Zulu movie clip
A Very Public Temper Tantrum That Ended Up Becoming a Meme

The Sad Case of Trigglypuff

If you’re an honest enough person to admit you might have some kind of problem with anger (and many of us do, and can’t), ask yourself, is Trigglypuff me? We all have a little of Trigglypuff in us, hopefully  not the whole beast , but we all lose the cool sometimes. This girl, however, shows no shame afterwards, which gives us the clue that this is her usual mode of behaviour when she’s abroad in the world. If she was throwing this tantrum in her room on her own, nobody would notice or care, but when it happens in public it gets everybody else pretty riled up too. Actually, the speaker she was interrupting at this campus lecture twigged  this  girl’s mental age pretty quickly, and gave her a mum-style telling off, before the full-scale tantrum erupted. Here’s the lead up to the ‘incident’.

We are human, and we react to strong emotion with strong emotion, to match the behaviour we are presented with.  We might have some chance of staying calm when the angry person is not trying to make it our fault that they are angry, because we don’t have as much personally, emotionally, at stake in the angry outburst. Unfortunately, when the anger is directed at us, because it is somehow our fault, it’s a whole other story, the big guns come out, and war ensues.

Anger is an attempt to deal with internal conflict. In Trigglypuff’s case (I’m sorry I didn’t provide the girl’s name here, but she seems to have at least three different versions, and I don’t think she deserves the extra research, to be honest;  do I need to be respectful of someone who has so little respect for themselves that they make no attempt to exert some control over their own emotions?) it is an attempt to get her views heard and accepted in an environment which she interprets as being hostile to them. So often anger has this at its core, the belief that one’s ideas or identity are not being accepted. This activates our primitive defense mechanisms because on an animal and emotional level, we perceive our physical safety as being threatened, and we swing into action, either verbally, or physically, against the perceived enemy. This lady on a flight, who found herself sitting beside a Trump voter just after the elections, was clearly feeling threatened. No doubt the mild-mannered young man she chose to berate felt the same, however his control of his emotions was a fair bit more developed than the woman, who didn’t make much effort to hide her feelings to save those of the young man, or her husband, or the air stewards who had to deal with her.

This lady is a good example of how anger often shows up how we think our own needs trump (sorry, lady, couldn’t help it) those of others. She wants what she wants, and to heck with everyone else. Her world view is utterly shattered by Donald Trump unexpectedly winning the US presidential elections, and she is angry because she wanted things her way. I think if we are being honest we must all be able to relate to something in this idea, that it sucks when things don’t go the way you want them to. I for one, although I find her behaviour a bit repulsive (her repulsive husband’s a whole different post) can feel her pain. Some folks take it further than just words, a lot further, and the reasons that they come up with to justify their violence can be ridiculous. This poor woman got beaten up by lefties because they reckoned she was a righty. Like that makes it OK. How? This is how polarized views can effect your emotions, and as we are seeing in all these examples, strong emotion can effect your ability to think clearly and rationally.

It is a very uncomfortable feeling being angry; that’s why most people try to avoid getting to that place in themselves whenever they can. There’s a certain sort of person, however, who spends a lot of time in the angry place. For these we reserve the special badge of honour, the one-size-fits-many label of crazy. These elicit our pity rather than our empathy, because their anger is deemed to be completely out of proportion to, or unrelated to, the circumstances, as far as the onlookers to the drama can see.

These problem people can be relied upon to create havoc from peace with no provocation at all. All the drama and the imagined threats are in their heads, which are filled with paranoid ideas about how the world works that most of us couldn’t begin to fathom. These poor souls are in a hell of their own making, where they are constantly being persecuted by the rest of us, who, in reality, haven’t done anything to them at all.

The Demon Drink

I have to make a guess that the lady in the next video had more than one pint of Guinness in the bar before the ‘plane ever took off, and many’s the fight that happened or angry words exchanged when drink has loosened the inhibitions. The animal side of our nature comes out to play then, as anyone married to a mean drunk will tell you. The poor man sitting beside this lady looks like he wishes the floor would swallow him, he’s so embarrassed. Does she care? No. She is totally out of control. She can’t handle her emotions at all, and is clearly suffering as much as everyone else around her.

Help Is At Hand

OK, I hear you say. You certainly made a long-winded attempt to describe anger, but where’s the help you promised? Can you actually help me control my explosive temper, or cope with the effects of someone else blowing their top? Try these solutions out for size. If it’s someone else’s anger you need to deal with, try a little empathy. Empathy helps get you in the other person’s shoes. Imagine how awful it feels to be them at the moment they are truly losing their sh*t, how fired up they must feel inside as they thrust their finger in your face to emphasize their anger, and spit in your eye as they shout at you. See yourself performing the same actions, saying the same words. Instead of seeing the anger as something outside you, see it inside as you swop roles in your mind’s eye. You don’t have to be in agreement with what the person is saying, or doing. You just have to be able to imagine that it is you. This puts you in the empathetic place. People get empathy and sympathy mixed up sometimes; you don’t get anywhere with understanding anger if you only feel sorry for them having the burden of their anger, you must also be able to see something of how they got to the anger, or at least be able to experience some of what they are feeling. The removal of the self/other polarity helps with compassion, which, again, isn’t a sympathetic frame of mind, so much as an understanding one. It goes against the grain to open yourself up to someone who is causing you some uncomfortable feelings, as anger tends to do to those on the recipient end of it, but developing understanding is a good route into diffusing anger, since your emotions get disengaged from the situation just enough for you to see that there is no ‘payoff’ in feeding the angry persons emotions by reacting angrily in response. When the angry person doesn’t have a reciprocal angry response they often desist, because they have not gotten the fuel required to keep the anger going. This is an ideal situation; sometimes escape is impossible; when you live with an angry person you don’t always have the opportunity to escape the anger, and since anger tends to be a cyclical, repeating behaviour, the dread of more angry encounters can make even the smoothest anger-wranglers despair. I said I didn’t have all the answers; I wish I did. Sometimes people with anger issues are just grown-up bullies, and like all bullies seek you out when you are trapped or vulnerable, and can’t escape. The best escape of course, is to physically remove yourself if the bully is a repeat offender in the anger department, but like the people on the airplane flights we looked at, the choice isn’t always ours, or we can be taken by surprise when anger comes from nowhere. However, if you manage not to get emotionally overwhelmed by a person’s angry behaviour  you have a chance to keep your dignity and self-respect intact when the episode is over. Over time, if you stick around to allow yourself to be abused by the person over and over again, you start becoming a participant in your own emotional abuse, and your self-esteem begins to suffer.

Telling the Angry Person What You Think

Is this OK? Shouldn’t we just give as good as we get, or is it better to be loving, forgiving, maybe pretend nothing happened? I’m no expert, so I’m just gonna give my personal take on this. The tips for dealing with anger that I gave above do work, but you’ve got to decide for yourself what the right thing to do is, because when you start talking about woulds and shoulds you are in the area of morals and ethics, and you have either become a philosopher, or someone in need of a guru or religion. I think, though, that the idea of personal boundaries is important, because asking yourself what your own boundaries are will help you answer the woulds and shoulds of how you want other people to behave around you.

It’s not a judgemental thing, where you decide this is a ‘good’ person, that is a ‘bad’ person, and weed out your friends and acquaintances based on which they are. It is just figuring out what you can cope with from other people, and what is too much to expect you to put up with. Someone who you know to be an angry person who is comfortable freely expressing that anger on a regular basis might be someone you decide you don’t want to be around often; maybe not at all. Then again, you might be well able to cope with being with this sort of person, and able to accept them as they are with no problem. You probably already have the answers to these kinds of questions yourself, if you think about it a bit.

What About Me?

What if you are the angry one? Maybe you recogize something in yourself from the examples we have shown here. If you are able to be honest enough to see something of yourself here (and trust me, most of us display anger, even if we don’t admit it, and those of us who don’t display it are having an anger issue, too) then well done. You are half-way to solving your problem, and there are much better ways to solve them than venting anger at other people. Sometimes it’s difficult to admit that we are not perfect, or to have to listen to someone tell you that they are great, and you aren’t. And let me tell you, if you didn’t already know, this p*sses other people off like nothing else. And this is exactly what angry outbursts do; they let other people know that they are inferior to you, and you are therefore allowed to make them squirm with discomfort, ‘cos you are entitled, better, and just generally more worthy of your needs getting met than them. Often, this self-agrandizing view doesn’t gel with reality, and this plus the fact that you are indirectly running the other person down, gets them so annoyed that they start shouting back at you and before you know it you have made an enemy for life. Then you can have fun shouting about how the world hates you, after you have just created a self-fulfilling prophecy. The universe is pretty neutral, in fact, and this kind of ‘all-or-nothing’ thinking is typical of the thought distortions that often fuel anger. If you can use the ‘unhooking’ technique, to disengage from your anger you have removed the fuel from your anger, and you can do this by dropping the ‘storyline’ that goes along with the emotion. Thought feeds emotion, and our story about why we are right to feel angry, if sometimes correct, can also get us so stuck in anger that we revisit our anger over and over, unless we manage to disengage enough to move on. We are not meant to get stuck in emotions, and it is a sign of an ineffective resolution of a traumatic experience, or some kind of blockage of energy, when we keep revisiting an old emotion with no cause in the immediate environment. Somatic therapies such as Gendlin’s Focussing Technique are excellent ways to deal with PSTD traumas, which can be a factor sometimes in anger issues. Click here for a very interesting  free book on the topic, which includes exercises. Lastly, for anyone trapped with an angry person, keep on rockin’ your thing, and don’t let them bring you down.

Sunday Sermon, anyone? Secret Jesuit Teachings

The greatest cross in the world is to be without a cross’. These are the words of the famous Jesuit preacher Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, a popular lecturer on a wide range of topics. Bishop Fulton’s humour  and knowledge on a wide range of insightful topics made him popular with Sunday Catholic TV audiences in the 50s. His series of shows begins with a sermon on

‘HOW TO PSYCHOANALYZE YOURSELF’

Bend the knee, pull up a pew in the comfort of your own home, and get ready to take notes (or just write the best jokes down; you’re allowed laugh in this chapel), because I guarantee he will hypnotize you with his riveting sermons. Or just switch channels and watch cartoons instead.

Denis the Menace Strikes Again!

Dennis the Menace Cartoon
Denis the Menace Strikes Again.

The Denis I’m gonna talk about isn’t the one shown above. She isn’t even a Denis, as she’s a girl, an old gal called Denise in fact. The comparison is weak, one would think,  but this ol’ gal used  to have a lot of nick-names, and tended to  create chaos everywhere she went, a bit like little Denis. She was a bit of a menace, and like Denis, left a trail of destruction everywhere she went. I’m here to tell you folks, she’s back.

Denis always meant well, but he just couldn’t help getting into trouble. Things just seemed to fall apart whenever he was around. Denise doesn’t seem to want to stay out of trouble. There are some who say it is part of her modus operandi. Who is this lady?

Denise Matteau
Click image for Denise Matteau’s YouTube Channel

She’s a YouTuber with a small subscription base that’s causing a big stir at the moment. She’s made many enemies, it seems, in the short time her channel’s been up. Her videos cover a range of topics, such as religion; when the spirit moves her she tell her viewers stories about the Our Lady of Guadalupe hanging that appears in the background of many of her videos. Sometimes she shows us her craftwork, such as the plant hangers and quilts she makes and sells through her channel, talks to her dog, Sally, or one of her cats, or brews up a pot of coffee. She often treats viewers to her views on items in the news,  mixing politics and religion, exhorting viewers to put their spiritual armour on, to fight the battle that is American politics. This is mixed in with a titillating soupçon of gossip about her personal life and history. Oh, and a lot of bad language, finger-stabbing, and accusations of pedophilia. You can read more about her personal life on her Freedom Is Sacred site,  a blog she created in 2010, described in her banner title  as a ‘blog defending free speech, freedom of religion, and the right to live free of vigilante harassment and intimidation.’  I found it a bit of a slog going through her posts; she is a prolific writer, but if you prefer TV, the videos on the blog, or those on her YouTube channel cover much of the same territory. I haven’t spoken about some aspects of her personal story here because I don’t feel it’s appropriate; those are covered on her blog and in her videos.

On watching her videos and hearing about the events in her life, one can feel nothing but sympathy for this poor woman for the stalking she has endured, not to mention the tragedy in her personal life which she goes into on the videos and her blog . But the story doesn’t end there. Others have added to it. Everyone has a different point of view, and boy is everyone else’s view of Denise different from her own. Reminds me of the old song ‘If you knew Susy, like I know Susy’ (apologies to Denise if I’m wrong here, but I believe her middle name is Susan). My elderly Godmother used to sing that song a lot. What a nice lady she was. Hardly any cursing, and although quite religious, not in any cults that I know of. Unless you count the Catholic Church as a cult, which many do. Maybe even Denise, although it’s hard to keep track of how many things she thinks are a cult; the list is infinite.

Poster by John Gilroy Still More Bones Needed For Salvage
John Gilroy’s ‘Still More Bones Needed For Salvage’

Cults are one of Denise’s specialities; she goes after the topic like a dog with a bone. Which is not surprising, ‘cos she knows a lot about them. She used to be in one called the ‘Jesus Christians’. She doesn’t talk much about them, which is funny, because she has something to say about lots of other ones.  Never mind, let other people tell the story for her. It’s quite interesting. My own bit of Miss Marple style investigating ( à la Ms. Matteau, only with sources included for you to check, dear reader), led me to another Blogger site called ‘Dave From Queens 2’. Click the link below to read the post.

Oh my. An unhinged person is in the DFQ foyer. What would Jesus Do?

Who are these people, and how do they know Denise? Are they the stalkers she mentions so often in her Freedom is Sacred posts? They seem to be from one of the ‘hate sites’ she mentions in this post, announcing the return of the Jesus Christians, who it seems had disbanded. The Jesus Christians, and Denise, seemed to be receiving a lot of hateful posts in the comments section. If you can’t stand bad language for God’s sake don’t read the comments section of the post at all. Click your cursor in the cat picture below (not the link below the pic., sorry for being Captain Obvious here, but there may be some silver surfers in here) then scroll to the bottom of her post, if you think you can handle the shock.

funny shocked cat meme
With Thanks to Sparkle Moon on Flickr
https://www.flickr.com/photos/54125007@N08/15634745431

Well, it’s confusing that there are so many people angry with her. Seems to be something to do with her involvement in the Jesus Christians.  Let’s continue by going through the newspapers; see if there’s any mention of what they’ve been up to there. The cult get a mention in an English newspaper, The Eastleigh News (Click here if you are wondering where on earth that is). The headline declares: ‘Donate a kidney for Jesus’, and goes on to tell you about the Jesus Christians activities. And Denis has been quite active in the comments section. People there seem to know her too. I’m confused, though, by this comment.

Eastleigh News Denise Matteau Post
Click on image to see full article and Denise’s Comment Posts

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought she was a Jesus Christian? I didn’t know she had a son, or was with the Children of God. She never told us about that. I know Dave McKay used to be in the Children of God, a very famous cult from the 70s, before he founded the Jesus Christians, but Denise never said anything in all her videos about her relationship with him, either of these cults, or their son, Joe. What’s all this about?  I’m in shock, because the Denise I knew seems to have hidden depths, let’s say. Maybe I’m just a confused person, ‘cos a lot of Denise Matteau’s stories don’t really make too much sense to me. Maybe I’m no good at this Miss Marple thing, though I’m sure Denise would encourage it, since she’s so into researching stuff herself. Anyhow, in case you don’t know who the Children of God are, here’s another shocker for you. This is the HBO documentary by Noah Thompson, an ex-member.

Phew, this plot is gettin’ thicker, isn’t it? Maybe we need to take a break, lighten up, laugh a little, after all that grim viewing. One of Denise’s stories maybe? Again, from the Eastleigh News, in a comment under the same article.

Eastleigh News Denise Matteau comment

Hadn’t Denise read her copy of  ‘Bin Raiders’ thoroughly enough to stay out of this kind of trouble while foraging? Poor Denise, in such reduced circumstances that she needed to dumpster-dive. She made a plea for help:

Eastleigh News comment
Eastleigh News Denise’s Plea For Financial Help

 

Not everyone in the comments section was  sympathetic.

Eastleigh News comment
AnnaMossity Comment

 

Animosity and Denise seem to be constant bedfellows. Rick Ross was the cult deprogrammer guy I had already come across in my research on Denise. In fact she  produced some material about him in which she seemed pretty angry with him,  or at least what she calls his ‘vigilantes’. She does angry a lot, in my opinion. But Dave stuck up for her. She provides a ‘kink’ [sic], a link to his post. You can see her video and the post here, on her blog.

What a pity Dave doesn’t seem like such a great guy otherwise. After reading some of the literature he wrote and is still distributing, such as his ‘Baby Book 5’, which the ‘Nappy Chappies’ got arrested for distributing while dressed in nappies at the Easter Show in Sydney in 1995, and what with the organ donation thing and the dumpster diving, as well as other ideas like the not working thing, and giving all one’s money and possessions away on joining the cult, I started to feel quite queasy at the company our Denise used to keep. Here’s an excerpt from Baby Book 5, stating the purpose of the next page of the book, which he says ‘was written as a class for young children. It combines science lessons, Christian principles, and sex education in an open, positive, non-exploitative manner.’

Here’s the quote. I can’t even make a joke about this, it’s so off. The relevant page’s title is

‘Holy Holes’.

It starts cheerfully…‘Where would we be without holes? You’ve got seven holes in your head. Count ’em! ‘ It continues with stuff about what mummy and daddy do with bits and pieces (science lesson bit), goes on a bit, then you start to notice stuff like this, ‘And you know what love is? It’s a hole that needs to be filled plus something to fill it with. All holes are made for something, and God’s got something for you somewhere! ‘ Context is everything, so read the thing and decide for yourself what you think of it.  I don’t know what age this is aimed at. The language is certainly childish. Should it cross my mind that it is deeply unsettling, given his background in the Children of God? I think so, yes. Maybe my mind has become damaged from all the yucky stuff I had to look at while researching Denise. I don’t know how she stays sane. Oh, wait.

Denise’s enemies were everywhere. They were posting in their own threads on the same forum she posted to under the name ‘little rose’ ( sometimes she is referred to as ‘dsm’, not to be confused with ‘DM’, Dave McKay). a lot of the posters here are the same people she refers to on her site as her stalkers, or Rick Ross’s stalkers, as far as I can figure out. These posts make a very illuminating, and, I think it is fair to say, entertaining read. I’d be the first to say don’t believe everything you read, and don’t jump to conclusions quickly, but in the interests of fairness I think it’s worth ‘learning to discern’, as Denise puts it.

The post thread can be accessed here. Click at the bottom of the page if you want to read the whole thread. It’s a long one, but it’s a doozy, so do like Denise, and brew up a cowboy coffee for yourself before you sit down to read it.

teacups
Coffee anyone?

When the Jesus Christians dispersed in various directions from the forum where they were posting, Dave McKay re-invented himself a bit, and Denise is always inventive, isn’t she, so she kept on doing her thing. She stayed in touch, mind you, and when Dave started his new adventure with God, Denise was keen to stay on board for the ride. Whether he was as keen to have her on board as she was to join forces with him, I don’t know, but  Dave is now BrotherDave, and has a YouTube channel and a website. Not sure how many followers he has, because they don’t put it about. They explain it all on their videos. I haven’t provided links to their material here, but if you think they sound like a lovely bunch of people, you can go buy yourself a mask and join them online. Denise did just that, in 2016, or at least tried to, if her Facebook postings are anything to go by.

Facebook Post
Happy to Participate – Denise’s End Time Survivors Post

It’s all been so grim, with the cult stuff, the vigilantes, the hate. We need to end on an uplifting note, I think. Maybe a song from Denise would cheer us all up. How about this, from her FreedomIsSacred YouTube Channel. Pity I never found the Sir Chirpsalot video, featuring her budgie on her head, or got to tell you about QTube. Maybe readers outside the US didn’t get much idea what the ‘Christian right’ are about, let alone get ‘red-pilled’ here,  but you got to hear a pretty interesting story, I hope, if a little hard to follow sometimes. Thanks to all the YouTubers that sent me down this weird little rabbit hole. Hope I don’t get stuck down here.

Postscript: Addicted to the Denise drama already? Wanna follow her latest YouTube adventures? Read the next post on what she’s been up to lately over here.  Or my newest post, in which I am drafted, not entirely willingly, into the cast of characters as well, in a supporting role.

 

Genius

Just in case you’re starting to get into that sloppy, Hallmark Christmas spirit, this should bring you to your senses. Charles Bukowski’s ‘The Genius of The Crowd’ is a bleak and brilliant insight into the darker sides of  human nature.

there is enough treachery, hatred, violence, absurdity in the average
human being to supply any given army on any given day

and the best at murder are those who preach against it
and the best at hate are those who preach love
and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

those who preach god, need god
those who preach peace do not have peace
those who preach peace do not have love

beware the preachers
beware the knowers
beware those who are always reading books
beware those who either detest poverty
or are proud of it
beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know
beware those who seek constant crowds for
they are nothing alone
beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody
not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own
not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world
not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art

He was also one of the finest stage performers of his own work out there, and the gravelly rendition of the same piece included below is superbly delivered. His work is very accessible, so give it a listen even if you don’t usually like poetry, and if you’ve been good all year Santa might deliver another poetry gift later. Beats a tangerine in a sock, hands down.

Is his view a little warped, and the view presented by ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ closer to the message we should be clutching close to our warmed hearts at Xmas? I think  Bukowski may be closer to the truth, and the Depressive Realist  Hypothesis seems to have lots of support, even if ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ is more in line with the way retailers would like us to see the world at Christmas time, so they can cash in on our happiness. Genius.

Oh No love, You’re Not Alone

Hot rollers ... the secret to REALLY big hair.
Farrah with her rollers in

The sad truth is, whatever original thought you think you have, have probably been thought of before. I’m not speaking about the really clever, Eureka ideas that you rush out and slap a patent on, so you can make a fortune and step on everyone else’s head, or write a book about, and share your innermost soul with the world. I’ve never experienced either of those. No, I mean the random tumbleweed that blows through your mind from time to time, about everyday flotsam and jetsam on the tide of life. Bear with me, this is going somewhere.
I have an example which I lay before you now. I was researching diligently for one of my insightful and thought-provoking posts, and came across this image of Farrah Fawcett (‘Who’, I hear the under 35s scream, ‘the heck is she?’). She was the Kim Kardashian of her day, the 1970s, only with a normal sized bottom instead of an outsized one. Nevertheless she was a woman before her time, and was possibly the first star to persuade her dentist to get the peroxide out to create her, for the times, unnaturally white teeth.
Ok, here’s the thought. She looks just like David Bowie in this photo I came across online. Immediately after the first thought, there was a second, and that was…I wonder has anyone else noticed this? Well, I’m at the right place to find out, the world wide web has everything you need to know at your fingertips. And I’m not alone, because someone else thinks so too. Take a look at this.

David B and Farrah
Cheezburger.com David Bowie vs Farrah Fawcett

Uncanny. Wonder what my next original thought will be.

What happened to Farrah after her star declined.

Dancing Round the Handbag

Colourfully dressed women You know when you’re feeling good and dancing in the living room, giving it your best James Brown moves to the blare of Papa’s got a brand new bag?

 

 

Never be ashamed of gettin’ your groove on. You’re funky baby, no matter what anyone else thinks. You are a legend in your own living room. Things can be different when other people try to run you down. This poor guy’s groove was nearly lost forever when someone made fun of him on social media.

Twitter fatman
Twitter conversation about fat man shamed

 

The story has a happy ending, ‘cos lots of ladies got together n the internet to find out who he was, then throw a big party for for him in L.A. I bet he danced all night.   

Dancing man poster

I Feel so Used

 

Man holding baby
This poster was a best-seller in the 80s for Athena Posters, and was the female-targeted equivalent of The Tennis Girl poster of 1977, which hung around on many a bedroom and gym wall for a long time after that. The clothes for The Tennis Girl poster were borrowed for the shoot. I’m guessing the knickers were forgotten on purpose, and I’ve added them here. Not wanting to emulate the Popes of the past, you can click on the picture below to see the original in all its soft-focussed glory. But don’t say I didn’t tell ya it’s not safe for work, OK?

painting detail of the three graces by Ruben
Detail of Rubens’ ‘The Three Graces’

Adam Perry, shown above photographed by Spenser Rowell, probably had at least two good reasons for taking his shirt off for the shoot. One, when you work your torso out to hone it to perfection other people will pay to see you take it off, and two, why get baby sick on your shirt, when you can get baby pee on your chest instead, and not have to put on a wash when you get home? Perry had his problems, though he cheered himself up by sleeping his way through what he claimed to be 3,000 women, and was self-confessed as ‘the world’s most promiscuous man‘. So if a picture paints a thousand words, the story they tell is not always true.

I can’t speak as an authority for men, being from Venus myself, but I think its a widely accepted notion that women are charmed as much by personality as by looks. George Clooney’s appeal lies as much in the urbanity and sensitivity women imagine he possesses, as in his good looks. We feel he’d be willing to listen to our problems over a Nespresso, before whisking us off to a fabulous party to cheer us up, where all the other women would gaze at us jealously, wondering what we have that they don’t. George Clooney, beee-atches.

George Clooney Nespresso
George Clooney by Michel Comte for McCann Erikson Paris

 

Gosh, why can’t we women just be nice? Poor old Burt Reynolds, who at 79 has just published his autobiography, claimed to ‘sorely regret’ the nude centrefold he did for Cosmopolitan magazine in 1972. In a recent interview he said he ‘got some of the filthiest letters I’ve ever seen’ from women, and is still embarrassed by it, despite the fact it is claimed as one of the greatest publicity stunts ever. If you can stand the hairiness, let alone the nudity, you can see the original image over here.

Those were the days when hairy men were much admired by women. Hardly a chest hair to be seen these days, as it’s just not in fashion now.

 

Women tend to gawk at other good looking women nearly as much as men do; we’re forever comparing, trying to look as good as the stars, and failing miserably, instead of just trying to get our own thing going.

farrah-fawcett
Farrah Fawcett poster by Bruce McBroom/Everett

 

Our attempt at achieving the same effect.

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