Games are attractive, aren’t they? While not everyone is drawn magnetically to their charms, no matter how lovingly the little figures on the board are carved, or how gay the plumage of the various pieces, studying the rulebook can yield a lot of information about how the thing works.
Even Those who prefer ornithology might find the notion of note-taking on their observations delightful, and nature not only parades its varied plumage, but plays by some rules, too, as species evolve, to win the game of life. The feathers may fly, sometimes, in the fight for survival, but that’s how the game is played, and the rules, it turns out, are very simple to grasp.
Let’s have a look at how Game Theory comes into play in evolutionary strategy, with an example from the game played on the Galapagos Islands. The pieces on the board in this case are finches, so even the ornithologists who don’t like to be stuck indoors, when they could be out in the field, bird watching, might like this game.
It starts with two pieces (finches), and you win more as you go along (takes a while, ‘cos you have to wait for them to mate, and observe the proceeding generations as they evolve). What fun the game is then, as you notice the new pieces begin to change the game, as they develop new characteristics over time, and the game plays out, with the best players dominating the board. All the time, things edge towards chaos, but gravitate towards stability, in order for the species to live to fight another day, and play the game that goes on and on, until someone upsets the board, and all the pieces are thrown into chaos.
Darn Red Queen is always getting her flippity flappity sleeves caught in the edges of chaos, so sometimes it’s just sensible to move the board out of her reach. Quite a nice island, this. Lots of birds about, beaches to swim on, and sandpiles galore, for the progeny to roll down. Splendid view, too, from the top, if you’re King of the Hill.
You might have recognised the elderly guy enjoying his chess game as coming from Pixar Productions. That’s Geri: https://youtu.be/9IYRC7g2ICg
The Red Queen footage was straight from the Queen’s mouth, so to say, as it’s on Helena Bonholm Carter’s YouTube channel (or maybe just a fan chan). I bet she enjoyed playing that character: https://youtu.be/i_zhBLF1Fu0
You know I love the classics, particularly cult movies. I’m very keen on the 70’s too, you’ll know, and some old favourites never really die. Unlike pulp fiction, you don’t have to do much, to take an exciting trip. Let’s get away from YouTube’s Fake Fight Club, cheap budget casts and recycled scripts for a while, and watch something better, then. ‘Cos I know my readers have class and style, unlike the trolls I have to put up with, whose cheap dramas, and sordid smear campaigns I occasionally respond to, in passing, with retorts like these, when they beg to have their scripts considered, giving it the full treatment. I try not to laugh, or yawn, but turn it into fun. This guy does it so much better than I could, keeping it short, and sweet, like a Haiku, rather than making a whole production of it. I liked him so much, I hired him to do the dirty work.
Once in a while, ‘tho, I’ll dash a quick response myself, on the back of a StickyNote, if they beg (I know; I’m all heart).
Look, I tell them. I just don’t have the budget for that kind of thing (although shooting in black n’ white isn’t cheap these days), and I don’t wish to be associated with your cheap productions! But still, they insist, after squeezing themselves in the office window, you simply must be in this movie, so I send the doorman to escort them out again, so I won’t be bothered. It would make a terrific series, they tell him, and all we need from you is your cooperation, in being amenable to whatever we want to put in the script. They keep sending little plot hints, slipping them under the door at night, to try get me hooked on their cheap scripts, and lame plotlines, and insist that everyone’s just dying to be in it, all the biggest trolls on the seedy end of YouTube. Look, they insist, here’s the showreel preview, fresh off the producer’s studio. But that’s borrowed, and stale, and smells of socks; not even your own work, I think, then figure, don’t respond. Just keep the doorman out there. He’s good with the stare, and withering comments. I’ll stay comfy, and work my way through better content, I can go out for air later, while they spin their wheels in tiny circles in the parking lot.
Mind you, the ideas they pass off as their own stories might have some merit, insofar as having a basic grasp of the elements of drama that we get hooked on, no matter how poorly they execute them, and not having much in the way of real action. That’s the problem with low budgets, and poor scripts. We like our hearts racing, when the cars come chasin’, and a car chase plot device is far more entertaining than a gang of trolls chasing you down with pathetic plotlines, like their “Fake Fight Club Part 2”, where they try to smear you in mud, and pull you into a wresting pit, to wrestle with, well, pigs.
Part 1 never made it out of the gates, but they keep trying, and are, very. These classic 70’s movies aren’t a trial to watch at all, though. I don’t even drive, but they are fantastic front seat passenger seat gripping fun. Not that many bothered wearing seat belts in the 70s. Wrecked the ol’ image, didn’t it, when you were a beat up banger pretending to be a Jag? Oh, I did like that green Jag. Not Emerald, like meself; more a racing green. And those clean lines. Nearly as good as the script, and cleaner content than YouTube’s cess pits. You get what the budget allows, sometimes, and these are glossy, fully waxed vintage classics. Plus, you have a choice of models to choose from, for your adventure (rolls up the garage gates, with the click of a button).
Now, fancy heading for a Vanishing Point, like a troll’s karma at the end of a spent LARP? Only in a far more sophisticated fantasy production? OK then (waves while glancing in rear view mirror, and zooms ahead, with cheeky grin, adjusting sunglasses, before leaning an elbow out the window for that one-arm tan, plus leather gloved brown circle, that is the envy of pedestrians, with plain ol’ two arm tans.
(adjusts car radio, for incoming news) What? You’re not a simple script action seeking troll, like the ones that never made it big time? More cerebral type. Ah. I see. We have a second choice for you, that’s still action packed, but great script, and plot heavy, too, with Gene Hackman in the lead, and more heavy guns than the trolls could ever dream of, with their limited mental resources, to entertain you with. Enjoy.
You know, Bitcoin has been something of a puzzle to me, for a few years now. Lots of content creators on YouTube, where I liked to while the evenings away watching videos, were pushing it like crazy, as being the big breakthrough that was going to change the world’s economy, and put money in control of people, not governments, and banks. I just didn’t understand why we should all invest in this next big thing, as they advised us to, not that I’m ever in the black enough to be in the investment market. I like a good puzzle, though, and set out recently to find out a bit more about cryptocurrency, and hopefully solve some of its mysteries, in my own mind, about how it works.
I picked up the first puzzle piece, which was a Tweet thread a puzzle guy called Richard Miller, aka “Z”, had put out, that got me more curious. He had designed a “scratch card” lottery style thing (yeah, that’s the state of my knowledge, on the cryptic topic, even after 5 study sessions I embarked on, in my puzzling journey to understand more, which left me still referring to a lot of “stuff” about crypto “things”, at the end of it). Anyhoo, this crypto lottery had to do with the new and terribly trendy NFTs, which apparently, are digital assets, e.g. digital artworks, which get attached to cryptographic currency transactions, as proof for your ledger that the transaction has occurred. I’m sure I made plenty of research mistakes, coming from a place of not knowing anything about the topic, but I did have a really interesting journey, as it involved puzzles I was already somewhat interested in solving, around the Cicada3301 puzzle, and other related ones, like the a858 Stonehenge Reddit puzzle.
Session one, a leisurely study session over morning coffee, started here, with exploring the topics mentioned in the Cicada puzzler’s puzzling Tweets, which were Dark Marketing, NFTs and Cryptocurrencies (links I explored on screen are available in chat area beside video, if you view on YouTube, and you can see the Cicada puzzler, Richard’s Tweets in this video as well, to see what puzzle I was trying to solve):
Now I was finding the puzzle intriguing again, and I found out more about Bitcoin, and got a bit of Bitcoin enthusiastic spamming, under this video, all raving about their favourite crypto-currencies. I waded on, through the chaos and confusion, however, hacking away at the topic, to see what, if anything else, would be revealed in the undergrowth, as I proceeded through the confusion and chaos in my mind, to try to make headway with my study topic. Often, I find, I have to make little study diversions, before I find my way again, on these expeditions into unknown territory. If the going gets particularly dense (and I am at times quite dense), one finds oneself having to mine one’s way underground, and I had a look at the cryptocurrency topic of Crypto Mining, as the followup to this livestream (no longer called “Followup to AIMing for Truth”; who needs another strike, right?):
Do ARG puzzles have anything to do with Crypto mining, I wondered, as soon as I saw what cryptocurrency hashing codes like SHA-2 looked like, and thought about how communities of solvers might be pooling their resources to solve “puzzles” using apps to crunch the codes down to what resolves to a code that can be used for transactions, or “mining” cryptocurrency? I had no idea whether this was a silly question to be asking, but I’m sure I heard somewhere that there’s no such thing as a silly question, so I indulged myself, and did more exploration of this puzzling territory, in relation to the puzzle the guy known to Cicada3301 fans as “Z” had worked on, as a cryptographer.
After getting some kind of idea about how Bitcoin mining works, I went ahead and asked the question straight out, whether Cicada3301 was as much about the currency of cryptocurrency transactions or mining, as it was about solving a coded puzzle, and I shared some links with viewers under the video as well? One of these was about the a858 “Stonehenge Reddit” puzzle, which I’d had some interest in, having communicated with a moderator from that puzzle’s Reddit board, with some truly bizarrely puzzling results, beyond anything I encountered in my head-scratching enquiries into how cryptocurrencies work, and whether the ARG puzzles involve them.
Well, it seems I was coming around in a circle, slightly, because I’d started out with Q and here he was again, since the Stonehenge Redditor had claimed to be the secret intelligence agent, Q, himself, and he’d written these funny little cryptically puzzling posts, starting in 2011, that intrigued and frustrated solvers on the Reddit thread, to the extent that they eventually asked the guy himself, what’s the point of the puzzle? Was cryptocurrency the point I wondered? I thought it could well be, and said why I thought so, in this livestream, the last in the study series I did. I felt it was as good a solution to the puzzle as any, since nobody else had managed to find the solution.
What I had thought of, initially, as perhaps a rather dry topic of study, turned out to be extremely interesting, and when I later saw this video about John McAfee, it confirmed for me that I hadn’t asked such stupid questions, since a lot of money can be made in cryptocurrencies, if you know when to push the price up, and when to sell quickly. It seems like a bit of a gamble, but perhaps if you have insider knowledge you have the advantage. I’ve no idea what the laws are on insider trading, as it would be called in banking stock market trading, in relation to getting the hot scoops that help you scoop up virtual currencies while they’re hot, and drop them when they’re not, but I know the Q-crew looooved this guy, who lived fast, dangerous, and deadly, and used to dispense trading tips on Twitter like a fulltime Qfarm bot, while he was alive. According to this, he was Tweeting from the grave, and it seems like a Qfan that was using his account, right after he died. Weird, and puzzling, huh? (I’ve started the video at the relevant section, but the rest of it’s pretty hair-raising, if you like to see how an anti-hero hedonistic multi-millionaire muck-up managed to live in luxury and squalor simultaneously).
Bonus Material: Video exploring how social media influencers have exploited their popularity to engage in “pump-and-dump” schemes, sometimes creating their own crypto currencies to do so.
You lucky suckers. You get to download my comedic thriller, “The Q Affaire”, set on YouTube, but secretly embedded deep undercover, here on the blog, just ‘cos I know you enjoy hearing about the kinds of fun and games and special ops, that go on in the Truth swamps of the Tubes. You might have even thought, as I did, that someone should write a book about these sorts of people, since they are so comic. So I did. It’s classified, for your eyes only, though I’m sure you’re taking these special comms seriously enough to keep what you learn from this document secret.
They are about as nutty as you can find, down there in the Truther cesspit, and if I wrote a novel about the real people I met, and told you all the crazy things they do, you just wouldn’t be able to handle it, but I knew you could definitely handle some laughs, romance and thrills, in a juicy Truther tale with twists. I mean who wouldn’t want a bit of that to nibble on? And…..if we slap them into a cesspit setting, and toss in some political twists and puzzles to keep you amused, we could have a really fun and fascinating tale to tell. We’ll even throw in a murder mystery or two, before we mix it up into a chaotically hilarious and delightful dish to serve you up with. You might even stagger through the maze and leave in one piece, after chomping down on this banquet, if you hold onto the narrator’s teeny handy tightly. Albeit with your head blown completely by all the laughs and thrills you’ve had along the way, by the time you make to the end of the book, and find the way out. So, you think you can handle the Truth? Then enter, at your own risk.
If you prefer a paperback to a download any time, and you’re enjoying the book, but going boogly-eyed from the screen flicker, you can pay for a pretty swish version of “The Q Affaire” over here, on Amazon. There’s a Kindle version there as well, and I’ve also got digital versions available on my little Etsy shop. Over there it’s on its 2nd edition, which hasn’t had any major changes to it, just a bit of fiddling about with a few commas, and paragraph lengths. Part 2 is available separately as well, there, for readers who have finished Part 1, and want to re-enter the maze straight in at Part 2. Something for everyone, then. It’s even been freshly cursed by a real witch, and it’s guaranteed to trigger anyoneTM(no money back, terms and conditions apply)
Don’t forget, there’s a podcast of the novel as well, if you like to listen to a story while doing other stuff. The episodes for Parts 1 and 2 of the book are clearly marked, just like the table of contents in the book itself, for anyone who has read Part 1 already, and just wants to see what happens in Part 2, which can also be read/listened to as a stand alone novel. Click the link below to find more ways to listen to “The Q Affaire”
I warn you though, it’s terribly high-octane type excitement in Part 2, so you might not be able to HANDLE IT, unless you’ve gotten through Part 1 intact. Buckle up for the book, then, and let’s blast off!
Have you met the divine Mme. Sosostrus yet? She’s preposterous, and yet…..such fun. She’s quite the character, and seems unable to pronounce, let alone spell, her own name. Still, she has all this weird knowledge, she claims, from these Kookistani people that nobody else seems to have heard of. She’s pretty vague about their whereabouts, but Mme. Slives half way up a local mountain, with a troop of Capuchin monkeys for company, and only ventures abroad down the town, on Alice the bike, when out ofUisce Beatha, apparently, or when there’s a chance of some silver crossing her palm. Oh, there’s a piano half way up there, too, which, by her own account,they gather ’roundin the evenings, to knock out a tune or two on.
We’ve heard her singing, unfortunately, at a recent seance we had. As a writer, I seek out these Kooks, to help me cook up new books, and Mme. S was quite the hoot, as she literally threw herself into finding the ghost myself and Mr. Poxley-Warner dreamed up. With all this free entertainment, and barely containable mirth, we almost forgot teeny Foxley Poxley’s wailing for the evening. The only dark spot on the ectoplasmic spectacles was the fact that that Donna Emerald beat me to making art out of the pig’s ear that Sosostrus made of the performance, by publishing a play of her own. The pigeon post must have been intercepted, or some malicious spirit put the evening’s entertainment gossip about via secret twitching curtain coded signals, or teatime tattling, down the local cafe. Still, there’s a book and several dramatic paintings in it still, I suspect. Plenty of time for clearing up the mouse remains from the cooker, too. One can’t rush art, and she’s such an inspiration.
Yipee. It’s that day I’ve been looking forward to. My new book is out, and I’m so excited, because I get to celebrate down at Café Emerald (leaps out of bed, and flings open the curtains). Well, the sun isn’t exactly shining, but that just makes it sparklier, down at the café, so it’s all good.
Didn’t know I had a little cafe, did ya? Well, I have a lot of things tucked away in my imagination, and “The Q Woo” is just one of them, that we’re celebrating today. It’s like a birthday party, for a book, what we’re doing today. This is Part 2 of “The Q Affaire”, of course, but I’m publishing it as a volume on its own, today, in the gift shop (points to an area you hadn’t noticed before, as I pour you a nice hot beverage, at the best table in the house, and they’re all great tables!). I make things. Books, art, craft, anything pretty or interesting, that I think will be fun to do, I’m sure to give it a go. I’ve even had a go at doing an ad for my book (titters).
I’ve arranged the shelves nicely so you don’t even have to get out of your comfy seat to see all the bits and bobs (returns from behind the shelves somewhere with a plate of fresh croissants and jam for you, smiling).
(The Gift Shop, over there- points vaguely towards the back, at shelves with all sorts of interesting knick-knacks, plus that book that you’ve been waiting eagerly on. You salivate with interest, then notice that Donna has obligingly brought a copy of it to the table for you): DonnaEmeraldArt etsy.com
Here’s the blurb on the back cover of the latest one. I’ll read it for you, if you don’t want to let your croissants get cold before the butter and jam go on (adjusts reading glasses and reads):
What’s it about? Well, it’s a continuation of a comedy thriller I published recently, but I’ve brought in this new character, Q, that you didn’t get to meet personally, in the first book, and there’s romance, and comedy, and adventure, all rolled up in a big puzzle plot, and it’s all set on YouTube, and it’s terribly exciting, and funny, with lots of suspense, and thrills and spills. I put everything I like into it, just like I do with the other stuff in life, you know? Put in things you get a kick out of, and hope other people get a kick out of them as well, you get me? Of course it’s very deep too (puts on serious author face, not terribly convincingly). He he. It’s actually a pretty hard to follow plot, so I recommend the Backchannel Reading Room, over there, for those who are anywhere past, ooooh, Chapter 5. It’s nice and quiet in there, and very secret, so don’t tell anyone about it. You, dear reader, are a special customer, so you get the key (pulls out an ancient looking key from a devastatingly attractive but tastefully understated cleavage area, and displays its rusty elegance against a deliciously curved clavicle). There’s a fire in there, on chilly afternoons (you haul your eyes up to my face, thinking of fires and cleavages, for a moment, until comprehension dawns. I pretend to not notice I know what you were thinking, and look back at the book. as you blush. So, let’s read what the reviewers said about the ol’ bookie book, shall we? This is from the blurb at the back, as well:
I’ll leave you to enjoy your tea, coffee, cakey, musicy, bookie nice time, on your own for a while, and go look after the other customers. If you need a refill, just raise a hand absent-mindedly while reading, and I’ll be over without you missing a moment away from reading, or having to talk. Have fun, and get up and walk around whenever you want to think. WCs are in the Top Level Clearance Rooms, for Q clearance customers’ eyes only. Extra fluffy towels and fancy cologne for handies available there, dear reader. See you later. (Goes to say hello to other arrivals, seats them, and heads off to make more tea and coffee, and fiddle about with gift items people have been enthusing over while they get settled down with copies of the fabulously Fnordish looking new tome, hot off the always wonderful Ms. Emerald’s magical tablet.
I didn’t write the whole thing at the café, as some writers do, you know, because the beeps and other weird noises can put you off, but then again, I’ve made sure nothing in my cafe beeps, and the customers, being the type that love books, are delightfully quiet and civilised. There’s even a noise cancelling button you can press, under the table, if the music distracts you, and you just want Raindrops playing. In fact, come sunset, if you are still tucked away in a corner, reading, you will mostly just hear seagulls and waves, as you drift away yourself, into your imagination, watching the sun set from our balcony, over a last cup. I do hope you had a wonderful time, and that you enjoyed the day. I hope you enjoy the novel as much as the novel time we spent together, too.
Well, that was a nice day. Think I’ll watch the stars come out before I wash those dishes, and clear up after the book launch guests. No hurry, after all. (smiles, and pulls up a seat, with a last cup of tea, to end the day).
Nothing’s perfect, they say, and our Friday night movie has ads. It’s free though, and free is good. I hope the ads aren’t too invasive. Oh, an’ watch out for those pesky bodysnatchers. They’re everywhere!
Yeah. I’m at it again. Writing another book. To be more specific, the second part of “The Q Affaire”, which recently hit my little shop’s shelves over here. The second part can be read as a stand alone novel, or as a follower-upper, as we used to say, on de mean streets of Dublin libraries, when we were scoping out those shelves like secret spies, peering through books, pacing the aisles in anticipation of some new thrills to keep us off those same mean streets, our collars turned up, and hat brims dripping puddles as we stalked the tiled flooring, searching out a comfy spot to slump, with brims pulled low, to hide out from the rain for a while.
Yes, you guessed it. Book two’s a little moodier in atmosphere than the first novel, with the first part a comedy thriller with some psychological twists guaranteed to melt your head with madness, as well as keeping you in a sub-hysterical state of mild giggles throughout. I think you’ll find the second part sucks you into the heart of the maze pretty quickly though, and presents many interesting puzzles, and you’ll be sorry when you finally find your way out again, at the end of the book, after being amazed and dazed, for at least some of the rest of it, I would think.
No more Q for you, though, after that. Two books are quite enough, and although Q tries to lead you through an endless maze of confusing twists and turns, and keep you lost, and puzzled, my job is to help you escape it, and give you a map of the territory. Take my tiny paw in yours, then, and we’ll claw our way in, before taking the journey to finding the keys that let us solve the puzzle, and get out in one piece again, but let’s start with an insight into how the book’s being constructed. I’m just hammering it out now, you see, and you might like to see how the thing’s being constructed. Big bits of paper are terribly important, you know. Very. Highlighters, fun, but not essential. Good ideas a must. Well, you probably know what a plan is already, but might glean something of the plot from the themes and metaphors I explain, while trying not to give away too much of the workings of the plotline, when discussing my creative process for writing the book, here.
Q pushers are starting to notice that there are big bits of paper everywhere, as they stalk the thriller section of the library aisles, while I take up the round table with my square papers.
The MuppetOfOz employs his handy Wafflinator , to foil rational conversation yet again, then departs confidently with his pals from the office, earing sparkling, to see if the latte post lunch is frothier than the breakfast one, which put him in the bit of a mood, to start with. pic.twitter.com/752VqP4MVI
I think you’ll find “The Q Woo” a lot hotter a read, a less stale bake, and certainly less hackneyed affaire than what Q has evolved into, in his second part, somehow. He’s got a oddly dragging gait these days, is distictly wooly smelling from being out in the rain, and generally looking a bit down on his luck. Don’t feel too sorry for him, though, as he’s still got some company, even if the birds don’t fancy him any more, a few coins in his pockets from last payday, and he still can parley vous oh la la the lads and ladies over on other platforms, admittedly in less salubrious surroundings. His rag tag band of patriots soldier on in their fantasy world, between snoozes, and manage to forget how wet their socks are, until the librarian moves them on, come closing time, with the rest of us. Where we go one, we go all, huh? Breathe in, on the way out, ‘cos you don’t want the smell of Q pressin’ up on you.
The first part of the book, which came out at the end of Nov., 2020, can be purchased here, in digital formats, with instant download. The next part I’m crowdsourcing funding for, to publish as one big blockbuster, comprised of the two volumes together, in paperback Kindle format, after part 2 is released as a digital version, for those who read part 1, over on Etsy. You can read about what the funding goes on, not just getting it to paperback, but getting that all important ISBN number, and other important bits and bobs, on the main post, over there. So, hopefully, there’s something to appeal to everyone, format wise, without having to go to the library in the rain, although, who knows, it may hit the shelves there, some time, too. “The Q Woo” will hopefully have reached the completion stage, anyway, with all editing done, by April, 2021, and I’ll be sure to let you know, here, too, when part 2 is available to read on Etsy. A big adventure for 2021. The next part of the adventure started here, and you’re in on it, like a secret library spy! Shush!!!!
“Watson, I simply must tell you, old man, the most extra-ordinary thing. You remember Moriarty dropped around yesterday, while I was at my pipe, poking around for information, as usual?” “Why, yes, um, yes, I do Mr. Holmes (hurumph) That awful man.Was he trying to find out why that attractive lady visitor was here yesterday? (thinks, pretty little thing, smiling).”
“Yes, and while he was trying to get information from me, I noticed something flew from his pocket as he retrieved his handkerchief, to blow that large snout of his in. It fell in the fire, as bad luck would have it, but I managed to distract him by cunning means, which, as you know, I’m a master of, and pointed out some new slides I’d obtained of dancing Gibson girls, at a side table. While he was busy rustling about in my intellectual mess, I reached quickly into the fire with a poker, and rescued this!”
“Oh, jolly well done, Holmes. Um, ah, what does it say? It’s rather scrappy and why’s it torn up?”
“Exactly, Watson! WHY IS IT TORN UP? It’s quite clearly something he doesn’t wish to get into the wrong hands, Probably intended to burn it himself, but doesn’t have a Mrs. Hudson about the place, to clear the fire out and light it, and such. I mean, he doesn’t have my charisma, and charm, when it comes to getting ladies to do things for you, when you want.”
“He he. Quite, Mr. Holmes (clears throat). Will Mrs. Hudson be serving buttered crumpets and tea soon, incidentally?”
“Try to concentrate for a moment, my friend, while we await the afternoon tea. This is a bona fide mystery, and I have been furiously playing my violin trying to cogitate on it. I believe I have decoded the document, after carefully unencrypting the scraps, and piecing the information together.” “Oh, really? What does it say, Holmes?”
“It’s an invitation, to a very secret affaire. That’s why he intended to destroy it. Allow me to read it to you.”
(Dramatic pause, while sounds of a teatray rattling downstairs can be heard)
“You are cordially invited to a “Portrait of Q” Art Auction Event, to celebrate Q’s favourite number, and the recent release of the new novel by Donna Emerald, “The Q Affaire”. This exclusive event has been arranged to thank customers who bought the book. Customers who bought the book are now eligible to bid on the only known portrait of Q in existence. Wish to own this beautiful Oil on paper portrait, signed by the artist, Donna Emerald? Then come along to the event where we officially party (and grift off Q) hard, via livestream, to open the one day bidding war in style, so you can start placing your bids on Etsy, and having fun in chat. This is your top secret Q clearance level invite, to the auction of the year, at 4.30pm GMT (check your coordinates, and synchronize your watches, for a zero delta) which promises to go down like an epic stQrm. Be there, or be square. Good luck, Q Patriots!”
“Goodness, Holmes. Q! Why the whole of London has been seeking him. They’ve been seeking him in Bankok and Mexico, too, with rumours of sightings from San Francisco to Moscow, and still he eludes us all, even Moriarty, who is not half so stupid as immediate appearances suggest.” “Yes, Watson. Someone knows his whereabouts, and someone wants to meet in secret. I’m rather curious to get a look at this Q character, finally, aren’t you? Where are my dressup costumes?”
(Door bursts open, making Watson jump, and Mrs. Hudson appears, panting heavily from the climb up the stairs with the teatray, laden down with tea and buttered crumpets, little pots of jam and sugar cubes, tiny milk pitcher of floral design etc.).
“Mrs. Hudson? We need to borrow your best dress. And bring me some glue, immediately.”
Some of my readers will remember Truth Convoy. She isn’t easy to forget, as she’s the lady that haunts YouTube’s dankest corridors, looking for folks to spook. These days, she seems to be the only one spooked, as she awaits a knock at the door of her Interior Castle, and rather like the drunken porter in Macbeth, the final knock may come when she’s sleeping, as it did, one afternoon recently.
The original livestream “Knock at the Door”, with a second of the same name up now, after the first being set to private, was a doozy, and 30 people got to hear the Halloween tale she told the Elderlemon Care person that called to her door to investigate claims of moldy walls and cockroaches, within the dark castle’s interior. In fact, we got a glimpse of one of the wee beasties, scampering up the wall, in alarum, when the stream went live suddenly.
The dead awoke from their drunken slumbers, and the rusty door hinges squeaked (well, not really, but I’m keeping to the spooky Halloween theme here), and the invader was held off from entering, ’till another day, with this tall tale (and, according to Truth Convoy, afterwards, a request for a warrant), before shuffling back inside, to get dressed, and set the stream on Private. I’ve summed up the wonderfully entertaining Halloween horror story told by Denise, here, in an abridged version, since it’s gone now, and you mightn’t have been able to follow it well, in the first place. What’s really scary is that I can follow her fancy horror stories at all, but she’s been telling the same story, with new actors, regularly. The plot features gay jewish nazis, forced abortions, and murder. Classic Halloween horror. Denise never disappoints, with her imagination.
If you are a glutton for horror, you may wish to hear the unabridged version, which is quite an old story, retold with embellishments, from a 2010 forum post, that she came across again recently, and still stands by. We learn about the secret “forced” abortion she insists the gay nazi cult carried out, for their evil pineal gland harvesting purposes, and her own simultaneous pregnancy, which may well have yielded two extra pineal glands for sale for the cult, for all I know, since Denise didn’t specify whether the con-joined twins were joined at the head, or elsewhere. Denise, of course, used to be in a kidney donation cult herself, so she’d be an expert on all the gay nazi cults’ shady shenanigans. Here’s the rambling tale, told by the cult lady herself. She’s not mad, she points out, although she’s a habit of calling anyone who questions her stories mad, telling us again what we heard her tell the visitor at the door, that she did have a stay in an asylum, all expenses paid, curtesy of her family, once, after a “nervous breakdown“. I wonder did they have internet there, to help relax her (ahem)? This is not fit viewing for the childer, and there is some doubt that Denise’s daughter actually lived with her after her tender years, as Denise was only married for five years, and was displaying paranoia that the daughter’s teachers were out to kill the daughter, even while she was a very young child……..so yez will have to click on the image, to be transported into the mind of the spooky Ms. Matteau, for the full horror, in this tragi-comedy of horrors.
I’ve added a nice picture of Denise’s daughter’s besom (witches broomstick) on the left there, because, apart from the cockroaches and mold, her kitchen sink didn’t look spooky enough for Halloween, I thought, although she threw pretty much everything but the kitchen sink, into her story, pulling out all the stops, to get the verbal boot in, on her imaginary enemies, from down all the years, and all the dead ends of her dank and murky maze of memories ( I know – Shakespeare, I ain’t, but I sure give Proust a run for his money, with the length of my sentences, wha’?). Sadly, neither the broom nor the daughter exist any more, with the daughter having killed herself (not been murdered by the gay nazi cult, surprise, surprise, as Denise claims), and the broom literally gone up in a puff of smoke, as this photo was taken at a consecration ceremony by her pals in the coven, and published on her memorial page. It’s now taken down, probably Privated because of Denise inadvertently drawing attention to its existence , while pushing the murder story, and trying to hide the fact that it contained a suicide letter, and other letters distributing her items from her Wiccan altar to her pals. That didn’t fit in with Denise’s Christian lady image she was pushing on her channel at the time, nor her murder plot, but in a stroke of audacity she claimed the grave (which, I discovered from the memorial page, featured a slab with a pentagram on it, as well as a curved indentation from being run over by a lawnmower) had been desecrated by Satanists, and casts another friend she calls David Coagn (no such surname exists, in the real world, that I can find) as a jewish gay nazi murderer she owed money to, at the time of her “murder”. Riiiiight.
In a stoke of crazy genius, and that chutzpah she’s so well known to display so frequently when under pressure from murderous gangs, bent on taking down ordinary decent American families, she tried to put the imaginary dagger in my hand, and say I’d blood on my hands for the murder, abortion(s) and broom stick carrying, instead of taking ownership of the entire plot as her own work of theatrical tragedy, using items from her daughter’s and her own biographies as the raw ingredients, and her own persecutory fantasies to add some extra gore. Her Halloween fake dagger points at a lot of people, as she plays Pass the Pumpkin with it, going way way back in time, in her imaginative story, to link many entirely unconnected characters, accusing them all of murder, and it makes for a hilarious bit of theatrics, on her channel, as she plays the victim, constantly, while attacking others, then uses her own daughter’s dead body as a shield, to protect her against criticism. Reality, though, sometimes comes knocking at your door, reminding you that the outside world can intrude on your delusions, and plots.
Let’s hope Truth Convoy has some more convincing tales to tell, if she hears knocking at the Gate again, and has to run to hit the “Go Live” button on this livestream, up for a few days now, just waiting, because she points out that if she’s not quick about getting the bathrobe on this time, they might “crash the door in”. Perhaps she’s just being dramatic, in the spirit of Halloween, or perhaps we’ll get another exciting chapter in her Halloween story, yet. If not, the stream might stay up, as she says she finds it handy, as she’s too poor (oh, the poor ting!) to afford a high tech security system for her paper thin and funkily filthy front door. She would buy one if she had the money, she points out, in a subsequent livestream, looking meaningfully into the camara at us, in her best helpless, harmless, cookie baking elderlemon role. Perhaps she’ll flog some of her home-made stage jewelry, instead of having to beg for it, as Truth Convoy’s Wednesday nights are sales nights, online, but I’m not convinced the potential clients might like the look of the brown stones in those earrings, if they start to move, on delivery. Oh, the horror.
Denise, three days on from the first “Knock on The Door” livestream, is out of the bathrobe, and in her best moo-moo and chakra-calming stage jewelry, and up at all hours of the night (though, like many a keen thespian, not so keen on mornings), as she seems to think she may have visitors at any moment, and wouldn’t want to leave them waiting for more than a moment. We in the audience wait with bated breath, too, in anticipation of the plot getting even more convoluted, and impossible to follow, with the introduction of more characters.
The dramatic tension is building nicely, on the darkened stage. Will it be a cliffhanger, like this longest-ever up YouTube livestream, or will the story move along further?
Already, she’s adding new touches, with me being added to the gay nazi cult as a regular paycheck receiving employee, mentioned in an im-por-an’ court case, which sadly, or perhaps happily, like the rest of her “proofs”, she doesn’t produce for us, but leaves to our own imaginations, clearly thinking they are as fertile as her own. I wonder am I supposed to be on the pineal gland shipping end of things, or installing bugs, or what? I’m slightly more unsettled, ‘tho, by the discussion of my Irish troll underwurs, by Denise, on her subsequent video, than these puzzling details, because of the gay end of the cult, and Denise’s recent big girl crush on little ol’ me. I doubt I even have a suitable gay nazi costume to throw on, for that Halloween party, if she invites me. Perhaps the gay nazis are a bit of a psychological projection, when the truth is too horrible to imagine ( am I the Alice B. Toklas to her Gertrude Stein, in her mind, with all that claiming to be “channeling” me, and all that wondering about whether I was getting my underthings bunched? Yikes!). No wonder I wear trousers, and not skirts, when out and about, as these gay nazis are circling everywhere in the ether, trying to get their hands on your body parts, particularly at Halloween, it seems (is paranoia catching, do you reckon?), and they sound a fright. Happy Halloween, dear reader. Enjoy the tricks and treats.